just one of my thoughts..

this might sound out of this world or plain stupidity..hahaha!..anyway, last night i had the chance of reflecting on my life and boom! i realized that my life is soo boring. yeap. down right serious. boring. i mean i live a monotonous life. i wake up. i eat. i go to school. chat with friends. i have arguments. i sleep. the next day it's still the same. it really sucks! i mean, i realized i want something new in my life. something exciting, something to add spice. weh. hahaha!

another thing, i feel so useless, hopeless and helpless. wow. sounds like a total idiot. haha! true. i feel useless because i feel i've no purpose at all. i can sit all day without doing anything. i feel that i'm really wasting my time. and that's why im feeling hopeless, i cant think of anything that can help me out of this what? dunno what to call this state i am in. see how hopeless? darn. helpless. i cant help myself out of this. i mean it's soo alarming. really. especially for me. what am i gonna do with my life? dunno. college? maybe that's why im excited about going to college. to try out something new. meet a lot of new people to spark up some interests. new interests. *sigh* i dunno..

i wanted something. but i dunno what that something is. i feel so lost. really. i dunno what's taking place in my life right now. maybe im lacking something. maybe im not happy. or maybe i am. but just want something to prove that i really am happy. i dunno. im also confuse. know what, right now im beginning to learn something new about myself..that i really don't know myself at all. *sigh*

PS

sorry my posts may sound so emotional but i think it's really me. this blog is only my outlet of what i really feel.

trust. again.

i just remembered: somebody broke my trust last night. *sigh* what's wrong with you people!? why do you go on breaking everything!? grabe. galit na naman ako sa post na 'to. ayus na rin to at least may nalalabasan ako ng sama ng loob. grr. of all people, ikaw pa. naman. it could be just a small thing for you pero the simple act of lying!? [is it simple!?argh.] c'mon! you hurt me big time. i can't even make myself talk to you and patch things up. and the mere thought that you said that it was just for fun can make me argh!! nevermind. i don't see the point of lying. yeah, i have my share of lies and everything pero iba to eh. you're someone that i trust. damn. trust! alam mo namang my trust was broken before! why would you make me feel this way again!? sama talaga ng loob ko sa'yo. i don't know how to face you sa undas. *sigh*

pano na 'to ngayon? di pa kita mapatawad. sana di mo na lang ginawa.

..sana lang talaga.

pain hurts.

whatever.

wasted.

weh. yeah right. dunno, i think im really wasting my time these past few days but i dont even know what to do to make something productive out of my time. i mean, im just watching things flow. talk about being a total bum. ive got nothing good to do. practices? uh..sort but not really. i cant even feel intrams approaching. i mean, there's no pressure and everything. wa. this is soo alarming! it'll suck if we lose this intrams. waa.

out of the blue: college. im really excited for college. it's just a sem away! my highschool days will be finally over. *sigh* its time to get serious. enough of fooling around and breezing through acads. im in for the real thing. wee. im also nervous. hope i can get through this. another thing about college, having separate lives with the people i hang around with during my whole stay in rural. aww. i'll miss those guys. i cant really explain how i feel or what im feeling right now. excited at the same time sad and almost scared. wee. but this is life. gotta get through this. ^_^

anyay, got nothing good to say na. haha! ta ta!

28th of may

a day before my birthday.

what the fcuk!?

now what!? gusto ko na lang mag-mura ng mag-mura! as soon as i woke up, napagalitan na naman! halang buhay to! bwiset! wala na bang ibang pwedeng mangyare na maganda, ha?! so sick and tired of this goddamned life! di halata that i'm sick of my life!? well i am! puro na lang kayo pasakit! time out naman! di ko na kaya! bwiset! puteek. akala niyo kayo lang napapagod!? pagod na pagod na din ako! langya! di ko na kilala sarili ko dahil sa inyo! gusto ko ng kumawala! magwala! mawala! gusto kong sumigaw! ilabas na 'to lahat! walang nakakaalam kung ano talaga nararamdaman ko! walang nakakaintindi!

...

..

.

..tama na..pagod na 'ko..ayoko na o....

mosquito bites.

yea. definitely true. dead serious. these creatures are really pissing me off big time. argh. why won't they bite each others' heads off instead!?

anyway, enough of that crap. i've got nothing to do and i'm so bored! waa. how's my day? not quite good. scolded first thing in the morning, how's that to start the day? amf. the next thing i knew i was cleaning the house. weh. went out the house at around 11am and crap i was an hour late for our econ meeting. amf. (JFYI,the connection is so s l o w. amfness!) anyway, i saw bianca walking towards area51 ("bahay" as they call it. weh.). i was going there anyway so i accompanied her. miracle of all miracles, LOREN was in there. wow! XD erika was also there, watching one tree hill at youtube. i sat beside her and started asking infos bout the series. wee. after that, loren and i went to mcdo to grab some food. really hungry! we talked, talked and talked. well, im really happy things are back to normal between us. ^_^ bianca arrived later on and fritzie a couple of minutes later. we talked, talked and talked as if that's the only thing that we can do. weh. humprey and rovel came. after a while, they (including loren) headed to minmin's house to construct their project in physics. fritzie and i were left behind. fritz decided to play cs at area. after an hour or so at area, i went home. alone. (huhu.. T_T) i walked actually, feeling so sentimental and all that stuff. waa. at around 5.30, i was finally home. i just finished the book i borrowed from erika. aww. it's definitely good! ^_^ i called up my cousin. talked and talked and talked. after that, i ate my dinner. i washed the dishes. did some fooling around with my sis. and now, in front of this pc currently, being bitten by these goddamn pieces of sh*t (translation: mosquitoes. ^_^). argh.

*sigh* i'm missing her. aw.

well, till here. blog you ages later! tata.. >.<